Living in a constant state of anxiety is often overwhelming and exhausting. It can even get in the way of an otherwise wonderful relationship with your partner.

So what can we do about this anxiety? Keep reading to explore:

• 10 Effective Tips to Stop Anxiety From Ruining Your Relationships. 
• Understanding the Roots of Relationship Anxiety. 
• And much more!

10 Effective Tips to Stop Anxiety From Ruining Your Relationships

1. Outline Your Relationship Patterns

Everyone has a different way of engaging in a relationship. Think back to the difficult times in your relationship and see how you behaved. Is there a pattern there? You can note that down.

According to a widely used attachment theory, anxious people can either resort to:

1. Constant Reassurance Seeking – Asking for clarification from someone else or making sure you’ve done something right could be the first thing you do when you’re feeling scared. 

Anxious people might ask for reassurance in excess which can get overwhelming for their partners. 

2. Become Anxious Avoidant – Avoidance is another common anxiety-related tendency. Difficult moments such as opinions that differ from one’s partner’s, avoiding relationship-related discussions are avoided so that conflict never arises. 

Individuals might also only act in ways that they think would please their partner. 

2. Identify Your Triggers

Think back to the kind of situations that cause you to feel anxious in your relationships and note them down. Many mental health care professionals begin therapy by helping clients learn to identify triggers that cause them to feel anxious. Doing so can help you increase your sense of control.

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3. Ask Yourself: “What was Going Through My Mind Then?” 

This question seems silly but it serves a wonderful purpose. This question helps us identify automatic thoughts that we normally don’t pay attention to. 

We are usually unaware of these thoughts but they play a key role in how we end up feeling and reacting to a certain situation. 

Targeting automatic thoughts can help us look at the legitimacy of our thoughts and how we can look at things the other way. 

4. Think About How You Feel and React to the Situation

The next step in understanding our thoughts usually involves noting down your emotions (how you felt) and your reactions (behaviors) to the situation. 

According to the CBT model of emotions, our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are linked. Having a clear view of these three can help us establish a link and be more aware of how they influence us in the future. 

5. Understand and Validate Your Feelings

Breaking down this entire process can make us feel like we are inherently broken. We can’t think or feel right and probably never will.

It is important to take a step back and allow yourself to feel however you are feeling. Your thoughts and emotions about your relationship are trying to protect you and help you through these difficult times.

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6. Weigh the Pros and Cons of your Feelings and Behavior

Research tells us that we normally behave this way because we think it is helpful. And to an extent, that is true. 

Constant reassurance seeking or avoiding the situation can help lower your anxiety for a short period. But it can cause problems in the long run.

Take a moment to think about how your behaviors are helpful and how they are harmful. This can help you see your reactions in a more objective light. 

7. Consider Alternative Ways of Thinking

Everyone is unique. This way, they can react differently to the same situation. 

In CBT, we say that there is not just one way of looking at a situation. There are many other ways to think, feel, and behave differently about a situation. 

This might help you realize that your single way of thinking is an assumption, not a fact. That is why it should be given the same importance as other assumptions. 

8. Reach-Out for Social Support 

Having a lot of friends and family members that you can reach out to is especially important for people with anxiety. They can help you in your journey of reducing anxiety by encouraging you to push forward.

They can also better sense danger and stop you before you enter an unnecessary and anxious situation. 

9. Try to Stop Self-Defeating Patterns

Let’s say we have tried to work on all of the steps mentioned above. Hopefully, this process will give you some insight into your relationship patterns. 

It is much easier to identify your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors now. This way, you can now focus your energy on trying to step back and even avoid these hurtful patterns.

Check Out: Psychological Effects of Unhealthy Relationships

10. Learn to Effectively Communicate your Struggles to Your Partner

There is nothing better than having your partner truly understand how you feel. You can make this happen by learning how to effectively communicate your troubles with your partner.

Effective communication can prevent unnecessary conflicts and even help resolve conflicts. They also play a key role in happier and more satisfactory long-term relationships.

Understanding the Roots of Relationship Anxiety

Many theories can help us understand why some people tend to behave anxiously in relationships. 

One of the most widely used is Bowlby’s Attachment Theory. You can take a look at the wonderful explanation given by SimplyPsychology for more details. 

The theory tells us about the important role that our parents play when we are young. How they care for us is going to affect how we see the world and even how we act in relationships when we are adults. 

The theory tells us that people can usually fall into four different attachment styles. I will discuss the probable causes of these attachment styles:

1. Secure Attachment: This is the most common kind of attachment. It shows that the caregiver would often return and tend to a child’s needs. Children were able to show their distress and be tended to. 
2. Ambivalent Attachment: Parents might not have been available for the child when they were distressed. This leads children to believe that they cannot depend on anyone for help.
3. Avoidant Attachment: This attachment style is usually the result of abusive or neglectful parents. They may have been punished for wanting to depend on a caregiver. Hence, they learn to avoid depending on them in the future.
4. Disorganized Attachment: This can happen usually because of parents behaving inconsistently. They might be warm but can also be a source of fear for the child. 

Conclusion

Anxiety in relationships can be reduced and prevented by understanding the thought process, related feelings, and behaviors. Understanding this link and then thinking of alternative perspectives helps us think and feel differently about the same situation. 

Lastly, do not forget to validate your feelings, learn effective communication and reach out to friends during this process.