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25 Things Not to Say to Trauma Survivors (PSTD). How to Help Trauma Survivors.

All of us want to be around the people we love. But sometimes, we say something and it backfires. They end up feeling worse than before. 

I’m sure you had the right intention but it didn’t help the way you thought it would. That’s okay, we’re learning everyday. I see you and I hear you. 

So, what can we do and how do we help? One way to show our support is by learning about trauma and its effects on us. You can keep reading to find:

  • 25 Things Not to Say to Trauma Survivors. 
  • How to Help Trauma Survivors.
  • Explanations and more!

25 Things Not to Say to Trauma Survivors

People recover at their own pace and things are not in their control. Also, telling them to focus on something else could make them feel like their experiences are not valid. 

Here are some of the things we can try to avoid together and also learn why we should avoid these statements.

  1. “It happened such a long time ago”
  2. “It’s in the past”
  3. “It’s not even that big of a deal”
  4. “It’s not that bad”
  5. “It could have been worse”

Explanation:

Traumatic experiences can change your life in many ways. People who have experienced trauma feel like they are reliving their trauma. This can even happen everyday. 

Understand that every person recovers at their own pace. It absolutely feels frustrating for you and that’s okay. But also understand that they are just as frustrated with themselves for being this way. 

  1. “Well you know, you could’ve done or said…”
  2. “It might have happened because you….”

Explanation:

It is important to know that traumatic experiences were out of the people’s control. Trauma survivors already feel very guilty about not being able to do anything. Saying these statements gives the idea “they could have done something”. 

  1. “The same thing happened to someone I know”
  2. “You know, something similar happened to me…”

Explanation:

I see your intent and I think I can understand where you’re coming from. You want to make them feel better by saying that they are not alone. After all, being relatable can be comforting.

But these statements could be telling the other person that their experiences are nothing new. It might invalidate how they are feeling. It might also make them feel pressured into recovering quickly just because another person did. 

It is important to remember that every person is unique. And so, everyone has a different experience. 

  1. “You need to move on”
  2. “You’ll get over it”
  3. “You need to let go of your anger”
  4. “Stop being so negative already”
  5. “Stop acting like the victim already”

Explanation:

I have mentioned before that everyone is different. Everyone lives in different circumstances. Some people can recover quickly, others need more time.

It can take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years for many people to recover. Recovery in this case means that their symptoms will decrease a bit. But it can take some people many more years to feel better. 

Research shows that 10% of people are still unable to feel better after 10 years of exposure to trauma. 

  1. “Let me help you”
  2. “Why don’t you let me help you?”
  3. “I think you should…”
  4. “I read on Google that you…”

Explanation:

Again, I can see that you want to help them out. You really want to do something about the situation and I appreciate that. 

But it is important to remember that trauma is very complex. Advice that you find on the internet is usually very vague. Also, it might not work for everyone. Every trauma and its effects are different. 

This way, every person requires treatment that is best for them. The best thing that you can do is encourage the trauma survivor to seek professional help. 

  1. “You need to speak up”
  2. “Why won’t you speak up?”
  3. “You need to tell someone.”
  4. “Why didn’t you tell me anything before?”

Explanation:

Some people do not want to talk about their experiences and that is okay. Many trauma survivors will actively avoid thinking or even talking about the experience. 

This is because that experience might have been too stressful for them. 

  1. “Everything happens for a reason”
  2. “At least, this made you grow stronger”
  3. “Focus on the positive”

Explanation:

Trauma can cause people to think negatively. The traumatic experience can challenge a person’s basic beliefs about being safe in this world.  

But one of the symptoms of trauma include an inability to experience positive emotions. They want to feel better but they are unable to. 

How to Help Trauma Survivors

There are many things that you can do to help someone who has survived trauma:

  • Seek Professional Help: Encourage trauma survivors to get trauma Therapy. 
  • Be Patient and Stay Calm: Understand that trauma has a lasting effect on people. It takes a long time to heal. 
  • Always Have a Safety Plan: People might end up hurting themselves if things get tough. Involve a medical professional and make sure to have a plan ready just in case. 
  • Be Non-Judgemental of Your Feelings: You might feel frustrated or angry at the way trauma survivors think or behave. And that is okay. Never forget that your feelings are valid. 

Feeling this way does not make you a bad person. Think of it as a sense of frustration because you feel like you are unable to help the person. Change will come, it takes time.

  • Look After Yourself: Looking after trauma survivors can be exhausting. Make sure you take some time for yourself. 

Key Takeaway

Interacting with trauma survivors can feel very complicated. But you can learn more about their situation and understand what might be causing their symptoms. The article explores which statements are best to avoid and why they should be avoided. 

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