Emotional wounds are a tricky bunch. They cause the kind of pain and hurt from an experience that you can’t see. But they leave a mark, don’t they?

So, what do you do? Keep reading to learn more about:

• 15 Emotional Wounds Most People Suffer
• Tips to Heal Emotional Wounds
• Studies that support findings and much more!

15 Emotional Wounds Most People Suffer 

When talking about emotional wounds, I will be talking about the beliefs that result from these intense experiences. In the world of psychology, these strong beliefs are called “schemas”.

For some of these emotional wounds, I will refer to one of psychology’s finest works on Schemas by Jeffery Young. His theory tells us about the different ways we view the world and how our lens develops.

1. Fear of Abandonment 

One of the most common emotional wounds is fear of abandonment. The fear that people will be unpredictable. They will not be able to give me love, attention, and affection consistently. 

Some days, they give me love and affection. But other days, they’re really angry with me. Or they might just leave. 

All of these fuel the belief that people will be unpredictable. They might even leave me. 

2. Betrayal

People with betrayal wounds might have trusted people with love and affection. Those people might not have fulfilled those expectations. Hence, they felt betrayed. 

3. Feeling Like a Failure

You might have grown up with critical parents. They probably pointed out your flaws most of the time. You mostly failed at making them happy. 

This made you fully believe that you are a failure for life. You always were, are, and will be a failure. 

4. Humiliation

If you made any mistakes, elders made sure you were scolded or lectured accordingly. There is also a chance that they would have given you a long lecture in front of large crowds.

This can lead to a lingering feeling of humiliation. Your confidence might have been shattered in front of others. 

5. Anxiety

A study done by a group of scientists tells us that anxiety runs in families. If your parents are diagnosed with anxiety, your chances of getting anxiety increase. 

This can be genetic or it can be caused by the environment you grew up in. 

Seeing your parents react with anxiety can make you feel anxious too. 

6. Lack of Self-Control

No self-control? How is this a wound? You’d be surprised. 

Sometimes you grow up with people who do not know how to react to a situation. This means that you also never learned how to react. 

You might get too happy or too sad. You might get too angry and break stuff. This can scare people away. It can leave you hurt and confused. 

7. Lack of Boundaries

This one is similar to a lack of self-control. Some people struggle to understand what boundaries are. In other words, what you can and cannot do when interacting with other people.

Some might grow up not understanding this concept. As a result, they can be impulsive. They probably won’t think before they do something. And this can hurt others. It can also hurt you.

8. Subjugation

In subjugation, you feel forced into hiding your wants and needs. You do this because you are scared of how another person might react. 

This wounds you because you hide your needs. You hide them for others, which also builds up anger within a person. 

9. Self-Sacrifice

Maybe you don’t feel coerced into hiding your needs. Maybe you want to do it. 

What if this is also coming from a place of fear? Or a place of not feeling like you’re good enough? According to Young, it usually is. 

You willingly hide your needs for others and that can create an emotional wound.

10. Rejection

Young says that the need for love, care, and affection are basic needs. 

But people might keep telling you that you “ask for too much” when asking for basic human needs. You end up feeling rejected. 

The feeling of rejection is one of the most prevalent wounds there. It could result in anxiety and hesitation to put yourself out there again. 

11. Emotional Deprivation

This wound is somewhat connected to rejection. If you’re told that you ask for “too much”, you might begin believing that nobody can fulfill me emotionally. This kind of wound is called emotional deprivation.

12. Punitiveness

Growing up in a very critical environment can cause a lot of emotional wounds. 

You might have gotten punished for the smallest of mistakes. As a result, you now believe that you should be punished for every mistake you make as well. This is called “punitiveness”.

13. Alienation 

Did you ever feel like you never belonged? Or were you ever told you’re just “different”?

You might not “fit in” with friends or family. This can lead you to develop a wound of “alienation” 

14. Incompetence 

Similar to the belief of failure, you might be made to feel like you’re not good enough.

You might feel like you cannot survive on your own. Your “independence” may be compromised. This could make you feel incompetent. 

15. Defectiveness/Shame

You might have had experiences where you’re unloved. Too many flaws or you’re not good enough. 

This might make you feel like there is something wrong with you and that you are “defective” somehow. 

And this could lead to you developing the “defectiveness” wound where you’re scared of people seeing your flaws. 

Tips to Heal Emotional Wounds 

Mindfulness

Mindfulness has been found to help with fighting these beliefs. A study showed that people who practiced more mindfulness were less likely to be influenced by these beliefs or emotional wounds. 

Psychotherapy 

Therapy, especially schema therapy, has been proven to be clinically effective in helping break through these rigid beliefs and emotional wounds. 

Key Takeaway

Emotional wounds are caused by intense experiences, particularly from our childhood. 

While there are many different types of wounds and resultant beliefs, practices like mindfulness and psychotherapy have been proven to help you heal from these wounds.