Not all grief looks the same. Some losses are clear — like the death of a loved one. But others are harder to define. If you’ve ever felt stuck in sadness over someone who is still alive but somehow not fully present, you might be experiencing ambiguous grief. It often brings confusing, hidden, or misunderstood emotional struggles. This is what we call ambiguous grief symptoms.
This kind of grief is especially hard because of its lack of closure. The pain is real, but there’s no clear ending. It can feel invisible to others, leaving you isolated and unsure of how to move forward. Whether you’re caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s, missing someone you’re estranged from, or feeling the quiet ache of someone emotionally unavailable, the grief is there, and it deserves care.
Key Takeaways
- Ambiguous grief symptoms are emotional responses to losses without a sense of closure, often involving someone who is psychologically absent but physically present.
- This form of grief can cause confusion, guilt, sadness, and a deep sense of being stuck or alone.
- Understanding what you’re going through is the first step toward healing — and you don’t have to do it alone.
What Is Ambiguous Grief?
Ambiguous grief is the pain you feel when a loss is unclear or lacks closure. It’s different from the grief that comes after a death. With ambiguous grief, there’s no funeral, no final goodbye—just an open-ended sadness that doesn’t go away. According to an independent study, the majority of the population is likely to experience ambiguous grief at least once in their lifetime.
The term “ambiguous loss” was first introduced by family therapist Pauline Boss. She described it as a type of grief that happens when someone is either physically present but psychologically absent, or vice versa.
Two Types of Ambiguous Loss:
1. Physical absence with psychological presence:
This happens when someone is physically absent but still very much in your heart and mind. Examples include a missing person, a loved one separated by war, or someone who left the family with no contact.
2. Psychological absence with physical presence:
This type of loss means people are physically with you, but emotionally or mentally gone. Examples include someone with Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, traumatic brain injury, or severe mental illness. You see them every day, but the connection is lost.
Both types can bring a deep sense of loss, even though the person may still be alive. This absence of closure creates emotional pain that often goes unrecognized, even by those closest to you. And because the person is still here in some way, the grieving process can feel confusing and stuck.
What Are the Ambiguous Grief Symptoms?
Because the theory of ambiguous loss doesn’t follow the usual path of mourning, its symptoms can be confusing. You might feel like something’s wrong, but you can’t explain why. These feelings are real — and they’re often signs that you’re trying to cope with ambiguous loss that hasn’t been fully acknowledged or understood.
The table below shows some of the most common symptoms of ambiguous grief.
| Type | Common Symptoms |
| Emotional and Mental | – Sadness that doesn’t lift
– Feeling stuck – Guilt – Ambivalence (both love and anger) – Difficulty focusing |
| Physical and Behavioral | – Trouble sleeping
– Loss of appetite – Chronic fatigue – Stomach issues – Overworking or isolating oneself |
| Relationship & Identity | – Feeling distant from others
– Difficulty setting boundaries – Losing sense of self – Struggles with trust and intimacy in relationships |
Why These Symptoms Are Easy to Miss
Because the person you’re grieving is still around in some form, others may not see your pain. You may even tell yourself you “shouldn’t” feel this way. But grief is not only about death. It’s about experiencing the loss of the person you once knew, the connection that’s changed, or the future you imagined.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. These symptoms are a natural response to ambiguous loss, and they deserve attention and care.
Ambiguous Grief vs. Incomplete and Prolonged Grief
Grief can take many forms. When people struggle to move forward after a loss, they often hear terms like “incomplete grief” or “prolonged grief.” While these share some overlap with ambiguous grief, they’re not the same.
Let’s break them down in simple terms.
| Type of Grief | Definition | Key Characteristics | Examples |
| Ambiguous Grief | Grief without closure, where the loss is unclear or ongoing. | – Lack of closure or finality
– Ongoing emotional pain – Can be ambiguous whether the person is alive or not |
– Spouse with dementia
– Estranged family member – Person missing or emotionally distant |
| Incomplete Grief | Grief that has started but hasn’t been fully processed due to lack of time, space, or support to grieve properly. | – Bottled-up emotions
– Difficulty finding peace – Can last long without full closure or support |
– Having to stay strong for others
– Sudden loss or traumatic event without time to mourn |
| Prolonged Grief | A formal mental health diagnosis of grief lasting more than a year and affecting daily life. | – Intense longing
– Trouble functioning in daily life – Persistent sadness or emotional numbness |
– Death of a loved one
– Intense longing for someone who’s passed away |
Why the Differences Matter
Each type comes with its own challenges. Understanding which one you’re facing helps you find the right coping strategies and support. If you’re dealing with ambiguous grief, your pain is valid—even if others don’t see it. And the right kind of help can make a real difference.
Why It Matters
Ambiguous grief doesn’t just affect your emotions—it touches every part of your life. When you’re living with ambiguous loss, the pain can linger quietly in the background, showing up in ways you might not expect.
You may feel tired all the time. Your relationships might feel strained. You might struggle to plan for the future, stuck in a cycle of waiting for clarity that never comes. This can lead to a lasting feeling of loss, even though no clear ending has taken place.
Invisible Grief Hurts Deeply
One of the hardest parts about ambiguous grief is that others often don’t recognize it. There’s no funeral, no formal goodbye. People may not offer support because they don’t see your loss as “real.”
That lack of support can make everything feel worse. You may start to question your own feelings or hide them to avoid judgment. But here’s the truth: grief is unique for everyone. And just because your loss is unclear doesn’t mean it doesn’t count.
Why Support Matters
Unrecognized grief can become unresolved grief. Without the right tools or support, the sadness can deepen. It may lead to anxiety, depression, or trouble connecting with others. That’s why learning about ambiguous loss — and how it affects you — is so important.
You deserve space to heal, even if your loss and grief don’t fit into a box. Understanding your experience is the first step toward finding peace.
How to Deal With Ambiguous Grief
You can’t force closure where none exists—but you can learn to live with the loss. Coping with grief is about creating space for your emotions, building support around you, and moving forward in small, meaningful ways.
Here are some simple but powerful ways to start healing.
1. Name What You’re Feeling
Start by recognizing that what you’re going through is grief. Giving it a name—ambiguous loss—can bring relief on its own. It helps you stop blaming yourself for “not getting over it” and instead see your pain as a natural response to a real, unresolved situation.
This step is about validation. When you know you’re grieving, you can give yourself permission to feel, reflect, and heal.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Be gentle with yourself. You might feel sadness, guilt, anger, or even relief—and that’s okay. These emotions can all exist at once. Let go of the idea that grief has to look a certain way.
Mindfulness and self-compassion are powerful coping strategies. They help you sit with uncomfortable feelings without being overwhelmed by them.
Try simple practices like:
- Taking a few quiet breaths when emotions rise
- Writing down your thoughts without editing yourself
- Speaking to yourself the way you’d speak to a close friend
3. Create Meaning Without Closure
Since ambiguous loss often lacks an ending, one key step is to find ways to create meaning anyway. You don’t need full answers to begin to heal.
You might:
- Start a journal or creative project that helps you process your grief
- Mark important dates with small personal rituals
- Write a letter to the person you’re grieving—even if you never send it
These acts help you make peace with the fact that closure may never come.
4. Strengthen Your Support System
You don’t have to go through this alone. Talk to people who understand, or at least want to. Reach out to support groups or therapists who work with people experiencing ambiguous loss. You might feel less isolated once you hear someone else say, “I feel that way too.”
Grief counseling—especially with a therapist trained in ambiguous loss—can help you untangle your thoughts and cope more effectively.
5. Use the Six Guideposts from Pauline Boss
Pauline Boss, who coined the term ambiguous loss, offers six key tips for coping with grief:
- Find meaning: Accept that not all answers will come, but your story still matters.
- Adjust your identity: It’s okay to let go of the roles that no longer fit.
- Hold both hope and sadness: You can feel love and loss at the same time.
- Rebuild connections: Reach out to people who support your healing.
- Learn to live with uncertainty: Life can still hold joy, even without full closure.
- Take action: Focus on what you can control, however small.
These guideposts don’t erase pain, but they make room for growth alongside it.
You don’t have to fix your grief. You just need to meet it with honesty, care, and support. These steps aren’t about “moving on”—they’re about learning to live with a new kind of normal, and letting yourself feel whole again.
When to Seek Professional Help
If your grief feels like too much to carry on your own, it might be time to talk to someone. Coping with ambiguous grief can be especially difficult because there’s no clear path forward. You may be doing your best, but still feel stuck or emotionally drained.
That’s not a failure. It’s a sign that you could use support — and that’s exactly what grief counseling is for.
How Therapy Can Help
A trained therapist, especially someone experienced in working with people experiencing ambiguous loss, can give you tools to cope, validate your feelings, and help you heal. Therapy can also help you rebuild your identity, regain trust in yourself, and learn coping skills that work in the real world.
At The Compassion Practice, our therapists offer a mix of approaches tailored to your needs, including:
- Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
- ACT and DBT-informed support
- Trauma-aware care
- Mindfulness-based therapy
Whether your pain is from dementia, estrangement, addiction, or another type of ambiguous loss, you don’t have to face it alone. Health professionals can help you feel understood, so that you can find your way forward.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
1. Can children or teenagers experience ambiguous grief?
Yes. Children and teens can feel ambiguous grief when a parent is emotionally unavailable, dealing with addiction, or has a serious illness. They may not have the words to explain it, but the sense of loss is still real.
2. Can ambiguous grief come back years later?
Absolutely. Because this type of grief often has no clear ending, it can resurface during holidays, major life changes, or even random moments. It’s common to experience grief differently over time, especially when the person is still alive or contact is uncertain.
3. Is ambiguous grief common after COVID-19 or natural disasters?
Yes. Many people experienced ambiguous loss during the COVID-19 pandemic, from being separated from loved ones to losing normal routines or community ties. Similar feelings can happen after natural disasters, when homes, relationships, or roles are suddenly disrupted.
4. Can I feel ambiguous grief even if I chose to cut someone off?
Yes. You may still miss a relationship even if ending it was the right decision. The loss of what could have been still matters and can bring pain.
5. What if I feel numb instead of sad?
Numbness is a common response to ambiguous loss. It may feel like you’re disconnected or on autopilot. This doesn’t mean you’re not grieving — it may just be how your body is protecting you while you process overwhelming emotions.
Conclusion
Living with ambiguous grief can feel like carrying something invisible — real to you, but hard for others to see. It’s a type of loss that doesn’t follow a clear path. And that makes it even more important to give yourself the care and space you need.
Whether you’re dealing with the effects of Alzheimer’s disease, estrangement, a missing loved one, or another form of ambiguous loss, your pain is valid. And while closure may never come, healing is still possible.
At The Compassion Practice, we understand the unique experience of ambiguous loss. Our therapists use evidence-based approaches like CFT, ACT, and DBT-informed therapy to support you with kindness and skill. We offer grief counseling that honors your story and helps you begin to heal—on your terms, at your pace.
If you’re ready to explore support or just want to talk to someone who understands, we’re here. Contact us today to connect with a compassionate intake specialist who can walk you through your options, including professional help and how to use insurance benefits.
